Dirty chai and a double shot of reality

I sat Thursday evening watching an episode of Anupama on Starlife and the episode shook me.

Why is it that a man can cheat, lie and have an affair but it's seen as a human mistake and it must be forgiven by his wife as per family norms. But, if a female does the same she is name shamed, verbally, physically abused and defamed before ousted out of house and home. What or who set this norm that a wife must forgive, must make it work yo keep her family together and why must a female be made the sacrificial lamb?

The family's name, respect and honor that needs to be protected and held in tact by a wife, so it does not affect her kid's future.

The husband never takes into consideration the family name and reputation, the honor of marriage, family bonds and the kids or the consequences of his actions before his apparent mistake.

In my opinion a mistake is when it is unintentional, like dropping a glass coz you didn't judge the edge of the table, but an cheating emotionally, verbally or physically is no mistake. You are grown and know right and wrong, you know what boundaries to set with the next person for your own wellbeing and for the security of your relationship.

Many people have said men are weaker in a relationship, they fall easily into temptation, they desire more and this makes it impossible for them not to make a mistake. I always make this joke to say, men may be weak but the belt was created to help keep the pants up, if the belt gets tight it's time to go home, not ask for help. Females also have desires, fantasies and emotional needs that need to be fulfilled and we first look to our spouses for that satisfaction and fulfillment. A females is also presented with temptation but we draw a thick and solid boundary out of respect for our spouse, and loyalty to the relationship shared.

A female would rather boldly state her desires, fantasies and needs in her home and be rejected by her spouse then choose cheating as options.

We live in a world of equality, where man and woman work and earn an income, compete in the work place and in educational institutes. Woman are as independent as man and they have almost equal rights, therefore shouldn't their sacrifices and forgiveness be of the same equality.

We all can forgive and there different types of forgiveness. 1- forgiveness with a tender heart, and 2- forgiveness with boundaries. Forgiveness begins with self healing. We either heal without an apology or explanation or we heal with and apology and explanation and this determines the type of forgiveness we give.

The healing process begins once you start to accept the issues at hand and decide to personally grow from them. You then start understanding your self respect, self worth and begin to draw standards and boundaries to protect your heart and family, well actually kids. These are purely so we do not fall into the same pit of hurt, pain and deception. As females we need to talk things through get to the root of the problem and understand what, how, when and why but most men think they are superior to such and they do not need to explain themselves but expect life to go back to what is was before the mishap with all the perks in place, with the fresh fragrant flowers and perfect white fence.

Just as a flower it remains fragrant once picked as long as it is cared for, watered and loved, but evenly once that lacks it wilts, then eventually dies and dries out, same as a female. But once we are hurt, or deceived we wilt, we dry out, we gain our strength and piece together the pieces but we give a new bloom but this time with changes.

As a female or a male don't be afraid to grow a new version of you, with more standards, boundaries, and more independence and strength. We are not forced to give into these customary norms and neither we forced to be something or someone we ate not happy with, we can't always pretend to be in a perfect marriage when it is tainted. We also can't curb our own happiness and cravings for sweet love, cuddling care for a compromise for the sake of society. Standing on our own two feet took time and practice, choosing you over such comprise will take time and practice but you will learn to love it.

"Think higher and feel deeper"

Miss wiss

Journal entry

23/06/2022